Last year, I made it my personal mission to continue confronting three of my greatest fears: flying, traveling alone, and meeting new people.
I’d been taking baby steps by visiting friends in various cities across California, where I live, and I’d even made it to New York — but it was time to push myself even further out of my comfort zone.
So, I decided to embark on a three-month solo trip across Europe. I was lucky enough to work remotely, and who knew if I would ever get this amount of freedom again?
As a connoisseur of British-set murder mysteries, UK pop culture, and English singers (Olivia Dean, anyone?), I knew that I had to spend a few weeks in London.
I was nervous, though — especially when I met a local on my first night, who warned me that Londoners weren’t particularly friendly.
Then, I had an idea that would help me challenge that assumption while breaking out of my shell: I’d push myself to strike up at least one conversation a day with a stranger on public transit.
I fell in love with London as soon as I arrived, but felt nervous about approaching people on the Tube
London’s infectious energy charmed me immediately. I loved the street style and the way groups of friends hit the pubs at 5 p.m., when a lot of people back home in San Francisco would still be working.
Most of all, though, I loved observing people on the Tube. I believe public transit is the best way to learn what a city’s culture is really like, and I quickly took note of the Tube’s unspoken rules: look down, avoid eye contact, and definitely do not make conversation.
Still, I wanted to make the most of my trip, learn about places off the beaten path, and improve my confidence with striking up small talk.
Plus, nobody would ever see me again. What did I have to lose?
I started out small by complimenting people’s outfits. I’d mention how I liked their hair ribbon or the color of their coat. Everyone I approached seemed surprised and happy, and often complimented me back as well.
I also struck up conversations with people I saw reading books — something I’d never done back in the US, for fear of bothering them.
As it turned out, many passengers seemed delighted to talk about their favorite (or least favorite) reads.
I started talking to strangers outside the Tube, too
Surprisingly, having just one conversation a day was pretty easy. I decided to up the ante and talked to people while dining solo, hanging out in pubs, and grocery shopping.
I asked locals for recommendations on their favorite pubs, and quickly learned that every Londoner has one.
I also noticed that longtime locals loved talking about their neighborhoods — and found it endearing when I believed Yorkshire pudding was a dessert.
One woman even invited me to join her at her favorite local spots, like Victoria Park and Hackney City Farm. At the end of our first conversation, she said, “I’m really glad you approached me today,” and told me she’d been wanting to make more friends.
We ended up staying in touch, and a year later, we still call each other via WhatsApp.
Although I still struggle with anxiety, my travels have equipped me with an essential mindset shift
Most of my tube conversations weren’t particularly noteworthy — they were usually polite and brief, and a few fizzled out quickly.
Even these were valuable, though. I learned to embrace the beauty of connection without any expectations of a conversation going well, or even continuing.
I also learned that I have a lot of control over my experience in a city. If I hadn’t challenged the belief that Londoners weren’t friendly, I think I would’ve had a drastically different experience there.
Talking to strangers on the Tube initially started as a fun challenge and social experiment. By the end, though, it brought me something bigger: an understanding of the importance of connection and community.
Now that I’m back home in California, I always choose to pay an unexpected compliment whenever and wherever I can — even on Bart in San Francisco, where those unspoken rules (no eye contact, no conversation) look a lot like the ones on the Tube.
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