Back in 2018, I was finishing my final year of college.
It had been far from the best chapter of my life, so I did everything I could to graduate a semester early. I abandoned my plans to apply for a Fulbright scholarship and moved in with my parents temporarily.
Now that I look back on it, I realize that my horrible college experience — and decision to return home — was a blessing in disguise.
During that final semester, my family learned that my mom was very sick. We got the news in September, then lost her seven months later. Had I not moved back during that last semester, I might have had less time with my mom.
Around the time of her passing, I tried moving into my own place, convinced I needed to be a “real adult” and have my own space — but I ended up moving back in with my dad in a matter of months.
Bills were tight as I was working as a temp at a law office while trying to find my first full-time job. And frankly, I didn’t want to be alone. Moving back in with Dad and the two family dogs, Hemi and Otis, was exactly what I needed.
The rest of 2019 was a dark year with more family funerals. When 2020 came around, we thought perhaps it would be friendlier to us, only for a worldwide pandemic to lock everything down.
Once again, it felt like home was where I was supposed to be.
I kept living with my dad as I started law school
Having no commute gave me more free time, during which I decided to apply to law schools.
I promised myself I would only go if I could get a scholarship, so I took the LSAT, applied to schools where my score was in the higher range, and got a scholarship to a law school 20 minutes from my dad’s house.
I came up with a plan for the next few years: I’d stay home for law school, save on rent, and become an attorney.
My childhood bedroom is where I studied torts, contracts, and business law. It’s where I spent twelve grueling weeks prepping for the bar exam. It’s also where I started my career working remotely as an intellectual property associate attorney.
My dad didn’t charge me for living there. Most days, I felt guilty about this, and I still do.
More than anything, though, I’m grateful for his generosity and support. Without that, I wouldn’t have been able to create an emergency fund, start investing for retirement, or pay down double on my student debt for a while.
Living at home, without a doubt, was one of the best decisions I’ve made.
I recently moved out — and realized living on my own is overrated
This past December, I moved out again after five years of living at home.
There were several reasons it felt like the right time. I wanted my own space, for one thing. I also started daydreaming about living downtown, where I could get more involved in my local community and make some friends.
Plus, I had a steady job, so a move felt financially feasible.
Since I moved out, my social life has become what I’ve always wanted: I host monthly themed dinner parties and group hikes with friends. Most nights, there are young-adult events hosted by local parishes. I scour local newsletters for things to do that inevitably end up on shared calendars with my friends and my now-boyfriend.
Still, I miss living at home and not doing things alone. I’m realizing that I could have created the life I wanted while still living at home with my dad or living with a roommate.
I bought into a myth that, at 29, I should be doing everything by myself — and that anyone who isn’t self-sufficient is somehow failing.
I’m incredibly grateful to have my own place, but now that I’m on the other side of the fence, I’m realizing that I didn’t need to be “on my own” to be successful.
I look forward to a day when I have a roommate or two. I crave scheduled hangouts with friends where we all go over to each other’s homes and pretend we live together for a few hours. I’ve made it a goal to visit my dad (and Hemi and Otis) at least weekly, because otherwise I feel disconnected and sad.
Living alone can be great for some people, but I wish I could tell my younger self that she wouldn’t be less than if she chose to live at home with family or friends.
I’ve learned that someday, the people we love won’t always be here with us, and now is the only time we have to make the most of it. I don’t want to waste it.
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