“You know…your husband has been prepared to be CEO,” a trusted advisor on our executive team stated plainly during a meeting.
I laughed.
It was March 2020. I had just shared that for months I’d been having a recurring vision that I would not be the CEO of Kingdom Driven Entrepreneur, the business I founded nearly eight years earlier, much longer. It was frustrating because there was no logical successor, and I wasn’t sure how to best prepare for a transition.
My husband Phil was not even on my shortlist of possibilities. He was perfectly content with his massage therapy practice. He loved his work, and his only functional role in my business was as a listening ear and a voice of wisdom.
But during that meeting, after I finished laughing, I realized that, as much of a surprise as it was to hear those words, it was certainly within the realm of possibility.
I told Phil about the meeting, and we had a good laugh. He agreed it was possible, but he also was not signing up for the job unless he was certain. I decided to pray about it, let it go, and see how things unfolded.
That September, after a series of unusual and confirming circumstances, he agreed to step into the CEO role in November. I would become the organization’s executive advisor, and we would continue as co-owners.
The complexities of transition
The reality that I was no longer the decision-maker at my company wasn’t initially hard to accept. In some ways, it was a relief. However, after about six months, reality struck, and it wasn’t easy.
Phil’s priorities differed from mine. His skill sets and leadership style were completely different. His decision-making and implementation unfolded more slowly than mine.
None of this was a surprise to me because we’ve been together since age 16. We had been a full-time entrepreneurial household with separate businesses for over a decade. I know my husband, and I valued our differences and his strengths, but I had to learn how to value those differences as the new leader of “my baby,” which had finally grown to a multiple six-figure revenue business.
I constantly had to remind myself of my lane, and when my founder instincts kicked in, I had to figure out how and when to share my thoughts with Phil without being upset if he didn’t agree or take action on all of them.
The challenges weren’t only about settling into our new roles; financial challenges emerged as well. It wasn’t immediate, but eventually every weakness in our operational structure seemed to be exposed. Much of the business centered on the work I did while founder and CEO, and now there were gaps to fill. To scale and reach the next level of global impact, we both knew things needed to change.
I learned to let go
The financial hit was a hard pill for me to swallow, mostly because I wasn’t able to jump in and help the team as needed. Plus, I needed to focus on my writing, speaking, and advisory work.
I chose to trust Phil to lead in the way he was uniquely gifted to do. I chose to release the outcomes even when it was uncomfortable. These weren’t one-time choices, but ones I made often.
Fully untangling from my founder/CEO identity of the business didn’t happen overnight. It took years of vulnerability and transparency with Phil during our weekly meetings. On occasion, it took tearful conversations with my own trusted advisors. And it certainly took plenty of prayer.
Our relationship today is stronger
Our 26-year marriage is by no means perfect, but it is stronger, and our friendship is rock solid.
We’ve both learned how to work through conflict effectively when there are differing opinions. Phil has learned how to receive my insight, consider it carefully, and move forward on his convictions. I have learned to let go of the good to make room for the great.
Concerning these last five years since the transition, Phil recently said, “We built muscles.” I wholeheartedly agree. Doing business as a couple has been a journey of active faith and patient endurance. There is nobody on earth I’d rather be on this adventure with.
Shae Bynes is an author, speaker, and executive advisor who helps small business CEOs lead and get results without sacrificing what matters most. Connect on LinkedIn.
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