I’ve lived in Spain for over a decade. I’m always excited to go “home” to visit family and friends in the San Francisco Bay Area, and spend time in a place that is so familiar.
I usually visit once a year. My first week back, I’m reminiscing, and my brain is buzzing thinking about how I can move back and what my life would look like. Yet, by the third or fourth week — if I stay that long — reality settles in. The high cost of living, traffic, aggressive drivers, friends having packed schedules, needing a car to get around, unless you live in the heart of a city.
I’m reminded that I’m happy where I live, navigating different cultural customs and speaking Spanish every day.
The truth is, several aspects of American life become harder for me to adapt to the longer I’m away. I experience reverse cultural shock when I visit.
Needing a car for your daily life
A car is necessary for going grocery shopping, to the gym or a dance class, meeting up with friends, or essentially getting from point A to B, unless you live in the city and can walk or rely on public transportation. There’s no denying that life in the United States revolves around the car. Public transit in the suburbs isn’t efficient, often doesn’t take you where you need to go, or is nonexistent.
I love that where I live, I can walk out my door and go to the grocery store, coffee shop, bar, or restaurant, or take public transit.
There’s so much traffic
As more people have moved to the Bay Area, housing prices have soared, along with an increase in cars on the road. Commute traffic is so bad that distances that normally take an hour can take two or three hours. The freeway can feel more like a parking lot with stop-and-go traffic.
When I visit, I’m advised to adhere to specific times of leaving the house or returning, to avoid sitting in excessive amounts of traffic. In other words, plans and scheduling are influenced by commute traffic, which typically starts around 2 or 3 p.m. and lasts until 7 p.m.
Eating out is expensive
I love trying new restaurants and visiting coffee shops, but with costs continually rising, I’m less inclined to go out for coffee or eat a meal. How did a basic drip coffee become $5 or more, plus tax and an expected tip.
Eating out, even if it’s a hamburger and fries, always costs a minimum of $30, plus tax and tip. And more often than not, I’m disappointed by the experience. Now, I prefer to stay in and make a meal.
It feels like no one has time for anything
Friends are busy with their work and families. When I lived in the US, I was often frustrated that some friends wouldn’t have time to meet up for coffee or a meal out — their calendar was filled for the next two or three months.
Friends block out time in their calendars to see me often, but they remind me that if I lived nearby, we wouldn’t see each other more frequently.
It’s very easy to spend money shopping
I’m not a big shopper. I never liked spending my time in malls or shopping centers — finding parking, navigating crowds, browsing and trying on clothing, and hoping for a successful purchase. I want new outfits in my closet, but I’d rather forgo the shopping experience.
However, when I’m in the US, I’m eager to go to Costco and stock up on basics, such as socks, sports bras, pajamas, a pair of Levi’s jeans when they have them, and whatever else that catches my attention. I also love going to T.J. Maxx and Marshall’s for the treasure hunt of what bargains I will find, and I certainly don’t need it, but I want it.
On my last visit, I told my mom, “These stores are designed so you buy stuff you don’t really need, but you feel like you’re getting a good deal.”
I’m always surprised by aggressive drivers
People drive fast, aggressively, and most seem to be annoyed and angered that other drivers are on the road. Over 10 years ago, drivers would speed up rather than let me merge when I turned on my blinker. I stopped getting annoyed and changed my perspective — I assumed drivers would accelerate. On the rare occasions when they let me in, I was slow to respond because I didn’t expect it.
So it’s no surprise that I don’t miss driving. I’m stressed and on edge when I drive in the Bay Area.
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