This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Kara Perez, the 37-year-old founder of the financial education company Bravely Go, who lives in Massachusetts. It has been edited for length and clarity.
My partner and I met in Texas 11 years ago. We have lived together for nine years, and we moved from North Carolina to Massachusetts in 2024.
My partner and I are also not married, and as a financial educator, money is paramount in my life. As part of my long-term financial health, I knew that I wanted to own a house in my own name.
I’ve been saving for 10 years to buy my house. My partner didn’t really want to buy a house. I know the house-buying process really intimidated him, and it seemed like something he was not interested in, whereas I was excited by that.
Separate but transparent finances
I bought my house in June 2024. It’s a 2-bedroom, 1-bath, 690-square-foot home. It is teensy tiny, but it cost $300,000, which is basically unheard of in Central Massachusetts.
My down payment was 10%, which is $30,000, and my closing costs were $10,000.
My partner and I communicate very well about money and always have. On our third date, we talked about how much student loan debt we had.
People are always shocked that we’ve been together for so long and we don’t have any joint accounts. But it’s 100% because I’m a control freak. I would probably be a nightmare to share accounts with, honestly, so we just keep things separate for everybody’s sanity. But separate doesn’t mean deception, and it doesn’t mean lack of clarity.
We met when he was 24, and I was just about to turn 26. We each had student loan debt. Neither one of us had started investing yet, so we’ve been able to do some of these things at the same time, even though we’re not doing that in the same accounts. We’ve really grown up financially together.
I’m my partner’s landlord
We have a lease in which I am the landlord and he is my tenant. It outlines my responsibilities to him, his rent to me, and his responsibilities regarding the house.
Marriage fundamentally is a contract. That’s why you need lawyers to get divorced, and that contract comes with certain legal protections. Being partnered but not married does not come with any of those protections.
Massachusetts has very strong tenant rights, which I’m all for, but I wanted to have a contract that clearly outlines our relationship so that if God forbid we ever break up and he takes me to court, he can’t say, “Well, I was living there as her partner, not as her tenant,” because now I have this lease that says, “No, you’re here as my tenant.”
We also have an equity agreement. An equity agreement is basically an agreement that any two people can make where a person is building equity in that house.
If we live here for 10 years, and he’s paying me rent for 10 years, and we break up, does he walk away with nothing? That didn’t seem fair.
We are also in an interesting position where my partner will likely never outearn me. He is in a fairly low-paying field. Even if we broke up tomorrow, we spent 11 years together. I care about this person, and I don’t want him to be left in the dust, especially knowing that he’ll probably never make six figures.
He will benefit from equity growth for the period of time he lives in the house and pays rent. That’s really important. So if he has a month where he doesn’t pay rent and the house grows at 1% in equity during that month, he’s not entitled to that equity. That’s all laid out in the agreement.
We have this lease. We have our equity agreement. It’s sort of like a baby prenup.
How we split our bills
I pay more in rent every month than my partner does, but not very much.
The total mortgage, plus insurance and property taxes, is $2,300. I pay $1,200, and he pays $1,100.
I’m responsible for all major repairs. For instance, when I bought the house, I knew it would need a new roof.
When it comes to dividing the other costs, we don’t do a 50/50 share because, again, I make more money than him.
I think people find our arrangement surprising for two reasons. One, historically, couples have bought property together, and it is very much something that you do when you’re married.
But I also think it surprises people because I’m the woman in the relationship.
Be creative with your finances
I think it’s important for people to be creative about how they approach their finances. As a financial educator, I’m always saying to my audience and to my clients, “Money is creative. Budgeting is creative, and I think we forget that we can, to some extent, write our own life rules.”
I just always want to encourage people to explore avenues that are right for them, even if they’re not something they see other people doing.
Predominantly for women, I think it’s so important to put these kinds of agreements into place because traditionally in divorces women get financially screwed really, especially older women who have been out of the workforce for a while or they haven’t been investing in their name.
Women are just left with less, and that is definitely a big fear of mine. While I’m happy to give a portion of the home equity, I am retaining the vast majority of the equity in my home. I know I’m always going to have a place to live.
It’s important to understand and remember that you are responsible for creating the rules for your life and money.
Read the full article here
