One car ride home, my observant 6-year-old asked a tough question: “Mommy, do you want to live here?”
I suppose she’d heard me complain about life in the DC suburbs a few too many times. Still, in a moment of vulnerability and sadness, I said, “No, I miss my friends, and I miss Georgia.”
In her most supportive and matter-of-fact tone, she reminded me that I’m the boss of us, and that we can move whenever I want to. I’ve weighed these words many nights.
After all, before moving here seven years ago, I’d spent more than a decade building a life I loved in Atlanta.
I’d originally landed there in 2006 to pursue a career as a photographer, and it’s where I’d made some of my closest friends, built up my portfolio, and discovered new outdoor hobbies like hiking and fishing.
Atlanta had just about everything I wanted except proximity to family, who are mostly in the Washington DC area, where I’d grown up.
In those 13 years I lived in Atlanta, I missed a lot of birthdays and weddings because I didn’t have enough money or PTO to fly home. It became hard to stomach.
And by 2019, I had finally decided to head back to the DC area.
I feel lucky to have secured a great mortgage rate and home in the suburbs of DC
After a few years of living in the DC suburbs, I was excited and humbled to be able to become a homeowner.
In 2021, I purchased a three-bedroom, 1,400-square-foot townhouse in Bowie, Maryland, a desirable suburb just outside DC. It’s a short commute from the nation’s capital and is considered an affluent, family-friendly city.
It felt like a fantastic spot to raise my daughter, who was born not long after I moved.
I’d also gotten lucky securing a fixed 3.25% interest rate over a 30-year period, which made my mortgage payments comparable to what I’d been paying in rent.
I don’t have a screened-in porch or a sprawling yard as I dreamed of, but my community has two pools, playgrounds, and a few miles of trails.
It’s also a mini nature reserve. On any given day, we can spot deer playing in the front yards and rabbits grazing on the grass. We often see chipmunks, foxes, turtles, ducks, and other bird species that I can hardly recognize.
Although I don’t have enough acreage for a massive garden, I’ve managed to grow strawberries, potatoes, tomatoes, and an array of herbs in my raised flower bed.
It’s also been nice to live a short drive away from a lot of family members and spend a lot of time with them over the years.
Yes, there is so much to be thankful for, and the life I built looks like success on the surface. In reality, I often feel stuck and alone.
Still, living here has been lonelier than I imagined — and I often feel like I can’t leave
Although I live closer to family, I left behind so many of my friends and network in Atlanta. And, as many have lamented online, building a new community as an adult is difficult.
It’s felt especially challenging for me in the suburbs, where I feel like I’m starting from scratch. I’ve tried meeting people by joining an adult softball league and a women’s walk/run group.
To my chagrin, just one budding relationship has emerged from those activities. In the last seven years, I’ve made three new friends … and one of them has already moved away.
Sometimes it feels like the easy thing to do is to flee back to Atlanta, to what feels comfortable — my core friend group, the easygoing Southern vibes.
But when I share my woes, my best friend (in Georgia) cautions me not to act hastily, especially when it comes to finances.
She regularly reminds me of how lucky I am to have my historically low interest rate, especially since her mortgage interest rate from a year ago was more than double mine.
What could I realistically afford now that the average 30-year interest rates have mostly been well over 6%? Certainly not a townhouse with a garage in the same subdivision where I currently live in a sought-after suburb, probably not something comparable in Atlanta.
As much as I’d love to return to Atlanta, it’s not the best move for my family or finances
Yes, many signs point South for me, but it’s no longer I who has the final say. My focus isn’t about what’s best for me — it’s what’s best for my family.
My daughter has fostered a strong sense of community here and made many friends. She’s in the garden and drama clubs at school, and she starts concert choir in the fall.
Slowly, through things like playdates with her friends and their parents, my daughter’s community is becoming mine as well. I’m learning to embrace those connections, lean on my family more, and find support with other moms at my child’s school.
I’ve started hosting parties at my house and participating in more local women’s fitness groups. I’m rediscovering hiking, a hobby I fell in love with while hiking Kennesaw Mountain in Georgia.
Ultimately, my daughter’s social and emotional well-being is the most important thing to me, so as long as she is thriving, I’ll be just fine.
Plus, keeping my great mortgage rate and reasonable monthly payment feels like another reason I should stay put.
In the meantime, I’m going to stop comparing Bowie to Atlanta and do what I can to enjoy where I am.
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