In 2021, I met a handsome Frenchman in the lobby of a Lisbon hostel. At the time, I was 25, and he was 22. We had dinner together, and after a few weeks of flirting over WhatsApp, we agreed to meet again in Paris.
Maxime took me to dinner in Montmartre and showed me the suburb where he grew up. He was kind, smart, and funny, but I expected to never see him again. I was heading home to Texas, and he was starting his career in Europe.
But we couldn’t stop talking, and after months of FaceTime calls, I went back to France. We went skiing, and Maxime introduced me to his friends and family. On the plane home, I realized I had fallen in love with him.
Growing up, I always heard that long-distance relationships never work, but I decided to give one with Maxime a shot. Dating across the Atlantic set us up for long-term success and had surprising benefits in my 20s.
We didn’t have pressure to define our relationship
In my 20s, I always felt pressure to define whatever relationship I was in. After a few dates, I would ask, “Are we exclusive or dating other people?” “Are we serious or is this casual?” Looking back, I now know I was protecting my heart from disappointment.
The stakes felt lower when I started dating someone thousands of miles away. I wasn’t worried because I didn’t have long-term expectations; I just knew I wanted to see Maxime again.
I took things one conversation, one visit at a time, and initiated a discussion of our relationship status after six months. Despite the distance, we agreed there was something real between us.
We had space to explore and build our careers
I always knew that it would be important to seize opportunities to build my career in my 20s. Sometimes, those opportunities might require moving cities or trying a new industry.
With an ocean between us, Maxime and I could make those choices without worrying about the impact on our relationship. We had separate lives in foreign countries, so a new role or a move for a new job didn’t threaten our connection.
Maxime took rotations in Sweden and Belgium, while I took acting classes and wrote for my travel blog. We cheered each other on and took these career changes in our stride.
We prioritized conversation over physical attraction
In my early 20s, my romantic M.O. was to meet someone, develop a crush, and dive straight into a relationship if they returned my feelings. This led me to ignore red flags and sometimes accept being unhappy, as long as the initial spark remained. As a result, I invested a lot of time and energy in relationships that weren’t right for me.
With Maxime, I had to do things backward. Despite our seven-hour time difference, we made sure to talk or text nearly every day. I got to know him over months of conversation about our friends, family, work, and hobbies before deciding I wanted a relationship. And since we saw each other just a few times a year, our physical attraction was not clouding my judgement.
More on long-distance relationships
Dating long-distance taught me that you aren’t supposed to be all-in for someone the day you meet. You’re meant to get to know each other slowly, share fun and foundational experiences, and commit when you know you’re happier together than apart.
Travel was a gift to our relationship
Travel was a great compatibility test for our relationship. Before each visit, we got to decide on shared priorities for our time together. And while traveling, we got to observe each other as we navigated the world and interacted with new people.
Maxime and I were lucky to have travel built into our relationship. I visited him in three countries as he worked abroad, and I showed him my favorite places in Texas. These trips reinforced our compatibility and became cherished memories.
It worked for us
Five years on, Maxime and I live together and are planning our future. He’s helping me start a freelance writing career, and I’m cheering him on as he builds a life in New York. I’m grateful for the three years we lived apart, and how they brought us even closer together.
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