In February 2019, at 12:23 and 12:24 p.m., my life changed in an instant.
On the second night after my twin girls were born, we wanted them to sleep in the room with us. That night was the exact moment when I realized that twin parenthood is a totally different beast.
We were constantly awakened because one child would fall back asleep, only for the other to wake up shortly after. That cycle continued the entire night. Needless to say, we sent them back to the nursery so we could get some sleep.
A few days later, we were discharged to go home, and the journey began: adjusting to being twin parents.
My wife and I enjoyed being DINKs
Before kids, my wife and I traveled, had plenty of late nights, bar-hopped, attended Beychella, and enjoyed the freedom of being a DINK couple. Then, in the summer of 2018, we found out we were going to be parents.
We really underestimated this and didn’t know how much life was about to change.
Nothing actually prepares you for becoming a parent. I’m seven years into this, and I’m still learning. Going from zero to two overnight was a shocker, and nobody can ever prepare you for this.
It feels like you are being herded as fast as possible through a narrow hallway that doesn’t end, and the anxiety of what happens next is always on your tail. The first, and obvious, change is finances. Everything is in twos: formula, clothes, private school tuition, everything. One of the beauties of having a gap in kids is the hand-me-down factor. With multiples, you don’t get that.
My mom did her best to teach me the ins and outs of home operations from her side of the house. Then, when parenthood came along, I went into focus mode so my wife wouldn’t feel like a married single parent.
I don’t want my wife to be a married single parent
I do my best to support my wife as much as possible. Thinking back on my childhood, I remember my dad being present. I used to hear stories about absent dads and learned to appreciate his presence, especially as I got older. I learned from my mom after he passed that he tried his best. She also made sure to instill in me what it meant to support your wife as a present parent.
Now, talking to other parents and even the organic interactions in public make being a married single parent a real problem. For example, one night while we were feeding, I noticed my wife was tired and exhausted from her day. My mother’s words and advice clicked right then. I refuse to let her be a married single parent. She’s my best friend, and I wouldn’t want to let my best friend drown.
With us both navigating twin parenthood, stepping up as best I can is an active choice every day. It’s also a choice that has taught me a lot.
My twins are everything to me
While the challenges of twin fatherhood are heavy, being a twin dad is one of the best blessings I have. My girls love coming to the hardware store with me, and our thing is playing tic-tac-toe on the smart fridges. It’s moments like that that teach me the value of just being there in the simple moments.
Another thing my daughters have taught me is how to be soft. I grew up playing sports, had a stint in combat sports, am an entrepreneur, and am always seeking a challenge. Building the plane as it’s flying is in my nature, so I developed a bit of a hard skin to withstand adversity. When they came along, I had to learn to revise that. They are full of emotions and, even now, at times, it’s a challenge for me to navigate.
My girls are helping me learn how to dial it back.
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