I am a mom of four, one of whom is dual-enrolled in high school and college courses. I have also taught more than 1,000 college students over the last decade.
Of course, I’ve seen students thrive and flounder over the years. The ones who succeed all seem to have some similarities. My experience has shown me that knowing a few things before starting freshman year can make a big difference. Here’s what I want parents to teach their high school graduates before they head off to college.
Encourage your children to handle things on their own
Communication is absolutely essential to the success of a college student, starting on the first day they set foot on campus. Some classes will have over 100 students. Teach your child to introduce themselves to their teacher, in person. If your child is going to be absent or is struggling with class material, teach them how to send a respectful e-mail requesting clarification or support.
What you should not do is step in and try to talk to teachers on your child’s behalf. This is their time to learn, and that includes learning about advocating for themselves.
Enroll them in a self-defense class
The summer before the fall semester, consider offering to take a self-defense class with your child or sending them to one specifically designed for their age.
College campuses can be beautiful spaces to learn and grow; however, the glossy brochures and websites won’t depict the realities of possible sexual assault, harassment, fights, car break-ins, or stalking that can take place there or elsewhere.
It’s essential that your child understand that paying attention to their surroundings (not having their face buried in their phones) and carefully posting on social media (watch those locations) can be simple but important steps in safety. A self-defense class may also give them some extra confidence, and you some peace of mind.
Teach boundary setting
I believe that learning how to set good boundaries can make or break a college experience.
Yes, college is about students discovering who they are while getting more educated. However, a young adult who is a people-pleaser or doormat, rather than a self-advocate, can quickly find their grades plummeting and engaging in unhealthy peer relationships.
It’s important to teach your future college student that boundaries aren’t about controlling other people. Good boundaries are for the person: what they will or won’t do, what they will or won’t tolerate, with the goal of achieving the life they want. For example, I know that staying out too late with my game club means I will oversleep and potentially miss my 8:00 a.m. math class; therefore, my boundary is that I will be in my dorm by 11:00 p.m. Sunday through Thursday nights.
Of course, no one gets boundaries right all the time. College is a time to live and learn.
Research opportunities ahead of time
Now is the time to research the many opportunities their college offers and begin planning for your child to explore them. Too many of my students, most of them freshmen, spend months feeling lost, lonely, and unengaged. The further along in a semester, the harder it can be to join in when a group is already established and in a groove.
College campuses offer countless opportunities for a wide range of interests, whether it’s sports (attending events or playing for fun with peers), gaming, learning a new skill, partaking in a shared hobby, or learning more about the local community and joining its events. Encourage your child to seek these things out and experience all that they can.
Prioritize their mental health
New high school graduates about to embark on a major life shift need to understand that their mental health matters.
I have had several students every semester who have faced some sort of mental health issue. The ones who were able to navigate their depression or anxiety were those who verbalized their struggle and sought help, usually via the college’s mental and medical health services, as quickly as possible.
Parents also need to be attentive listeners. If their student-child expresses that they are struggling, meet. them with curiosity and support. Over the years, I’ve seen that grades matter far less than a student’s mental well-being in the long run.
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