As a happily married amateur matchmaker who has helped fix up 30 marriages and was set up with my own miraculous mate, I have rooted for Taylor and Travis’s inspiring relationship from the start.
Whether they’re confirming their mutual support for each other’s work, showing kindness to their doormen and drivers, or giving to charity, I find the adorable, winning couple to be excellent role models.
Yet I admit the Kansas City Chiefs’ recent claim that they never fight set me off.
Fighting can be healthy
First, they’ve only been together for two years, most of it long-distance, during her almost two-year “Eras” tour spanning 149 shows across five continents, while Travis played a total of 31 regular-season games in the last two seasons, not to mention the hours spent in training, recovery, and travelling to see each other.
It’s amazing they had time to share a dance onstage, grab dinner, “knock on wood,” and do a few cute podcasts together.
Then George Clooney co-opted the conversation by confessing that he and Amal have never had an argument in their 10-year marriage.
As a bestselling author of books my family hates and writing professor in a successful union with someone I adore for 30 years, I felt like screaming: “That’s the opposite of a healthy message to give your children, friends, and fans!”
To leave Hollywood fantasy for a truly fulfilling and realistic connection, it’s crucial to be able to speak up, disagree with your partner, express yourself amiably, and still feel cherished and appreciated. Otherwise, you’re encouraging your partner to keep quiet, repressing their needs and longings to avoid any contention.
I fight with my partner all the time
Indeed, my beloved and I have combative words daily, whether it’s me pushing him to hurry up and get ready (he’s always late) or him admonishing me to slow the hell down (I tend to be Type A and early), or barking at him to “clean up his damn clutter” motivating him to snarl that I need to stay out of his den and leave his stacks of books, DVDS, and papers lining the floor and tables alone, where they belong.
Of course, we try not to raise our voices, swear, criticize, or call each other names — although a stray “slob,” “control freak,” and “screw you” have been known to surface in the swirl of passion. Afterward, having honestly expressed our displeasure, we return to our otherwise fairly harmonious existence.
My parents also fought often
I grew up overly sensitive with a tough, brilliant doctor father and three science-brain brothers in the Midwest who trashed my opinions, liberal platitudes, and poetry. Instead of cowering under their constant criticisms, I learned to yell, “Go chew on yourself,” and became a prolific writer, probably as a way to amplify my views and talk without being interrupted. The friction taught me the toughness I later needed to conquer a big city, carry on two careers, and hold my own in a long marriage to a high-powered, hilarious, albeit stubborn urbanite.
My parents, blissfully besotted for 64 years in Michigan with four kids and five grandkids, quarreled often and well.
Once, when they had friends over for dinner, and my mother disagreed with his political stance, Dad made the mistake of responding by muttering, “Stick to your dishes.” She looked him in the face and replied, “You didn’t tell me that when I was working to put you through medical school for seven years!” which shut him up immediately. He soon apologized profusely, as he should have.
Luckily, Kylie Kelce, Taylor’s soon-to-be sister-in-law, got real by leaping right into the fray. Talking about her and Jason, her husband and the father of her four little kids, she confessed, “We absolutely argue.”
Asking brides to “love, cherish, and obey” their grooms entered traditional wedding vows in 1594, and this is now considered completely outdated. In fact, if you want your union to last, you have to love, cherish, and argue all the way down the aisle.
Susan Shapiro, an award-winning writing professor, is the bestselling author of the books “Five Men Who Broke My Heart” and “The Forgiveness Tour.”
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