Growing up, I was the sibling who was always absurdly stressed about having an outfit for every possible scenario on our family vacation. Meanwhile, my younger sister, Casey, never even seemed to care about packing.
I was Type A, and she was spontaneity in human form. For years, that difference always felt like proof that I had things more figured out — but not anymore.
I graduated from college earlier this year, and as this messy postgrad period of my life prompts big existential questions like, “Who am I?” I feel lost.
I keep looking back on my childhood with Casey, remembering a time when the worries that plague me now didn’t even exist.
Now, she’s studying abroad, calling me from Australia while I try to stop obsessing over my future and the tiny details on my résumé.
I watch how she lives life in the moment and navigates challenges, and I’ve realized her mindset — one focused on trusting everything will work out — is the guidepost I need.
I hadn’t always admired our differences
The truth is, I used to struggle to understand Casey’s mindset — or at least what I thought it was. Each year in school, I struggled to get an A in math, while Casey, taking the highest-level courses, would ace it after putting in seemingly zero effort.
Or, while I’d overanalyze situations that worried me, she always seemed cool as a cucumber.
If you’d told me at 15 that I’d come to love how she approaches the world, I’d have laughed.
I assumed being an older sister meant I’d always have the answers, but I realize now that age doesn’t equal wisdom, and I’ve been questioning if I ever had such a thing to begin with.
My sister doesn’t know how much of a positive impact she’s had on me
Calls with my sister now include colorful tales of swimming at the Great Barrier Reef and funny nights out. Hearing her voice reminds me of the way I want to live — in the present.
It seems the anxieties of growing up, finishing school, and staring at a future that feels almost too open to possibility have made me lose trust in the belief that things happen the way they’re supposed to. But Casey is helping me regain that.
When I spiral, I imagine her strutting down the streets of Bondi Beach, sunglasses on, like she was meant to be there her whole life.
The photos she sends me of her avocado toasts remind me of how excited she gets about seemingly mundane things like breakfast, and the videos of her in various party hostels show me that she’s not taking life too seriously.
These moments help me pause, loosen my grip, and understand that adulthood doesn’t have to mean living in constant worry about the future.
Just a few weeks ago, in a moment of stress, I texted her to vent.
“Just ride the wave,” she responded, adding that good things are coming and not to lose hope. “You are doing everything you can and nothing less,” she wrote.
So that’s exactly what I’ve been trying to do — ride the wave, allow things to come as they’re meant to, and believe that everything I am doing is enough.
I’ve started prioritizing creative work that makes me happy, and making time to connect with the people who are important to me, like my friends, family, and of course, my (temporarily) long-distance sister.
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