Here’s what you won’t find in my house at Christmastime: Elf on the Shelf. December goody and craft boxes for the kids. Brand new matching Christmas pajamas. Holiday photo shoots. Forced Christmas card writing. Expensive tickets to line up at a crowded shopping center to see an overrated Santa.
Before you write me off as a Christmas Grinch who needs a visit from three ghosts in the middle of the night to reinvigorate my festive mojo, hear me out.
I don’t want to be over-committed
Not going all out at Christmas is intentional for two reasons. Firstly, I don’t want to be that frazzled mom who stretches herself in 20 different directions trying to create a magical Christmas for everyone, decorating the perfect house, and buying every gift on everyone’s wish list.
I already have a full-time job, and I have no intention of taking on the unpaid role of Christmas Fairy.
My kids already have really nice lives
Secondly, my kids already lead highly privileged lives. The only time they have known hunger is when there’s a long line at McDonald’s. My 6-year-old son’s extracurricular activities include French and fencing lessons — and no, he doesn’t attend a fancy private school; they are just some of the many before- and after-school activity options we’re lucky to have at our school.
Meanwhile, his 3-year-old brother’s daycare has a chef who cooks him a hot, gourmet lunch every day. That certainly beats my microwaved canned soup.
Rather than spending excessive money on material things, we prefer to enrich our lives through travel. This year alone, we’ve taken family trips to the Seychelles, Finland, Australia, and Tenerife.
It’s safe to say, then, that my kids live with abundance. We don’t need the extra pressure to push that even further this month, just because we’re told we’re bad parents if we don’t.
Other moms I know are following suit
I don’t want December to be something that we dread and feel we have to get through, because we have created so many tasks that end up draining our energy, rather than use this period to reset before the New Year hits.
I know my fellow moms are experiencing this because I hear about it all the time. Recent stats show that here in the UK, where we live, 62 percent of moms say they find Christmas “fairly stressful,” compared with 44 percent of dads, and 45 percent of women without children. I don’t want to be one of those.
The other day, I overheard some moms at school pickup complaining about how much they had to do before Christmas, and how they were worried about running out of time. I felt like interrupting them to say, “But do you really need to do all of it? Who said you had to do it all?”
But before I could do that, they both came to the very wise conclusion that their New Year’s resolution would be to commit to doing less. Instead of feeling guilty for my Grinch-like mindset, I felt like clapping out loud at their realization that many of our supposed Christmas commitments are self-imposed, and the world won’t end if we say “no” to more things.
I have also spoken to other moms who are planning to prioritize what they find meaningful over what the typical Christmas movie might portray.
One friend is even doing away with the traditional roast turkey dinner with all the trimmings and instead putting together a grazing table of everyone’s favorite foods.
As for us, we’re also skipping the British tradition of the Christmas pantomime show this year. Many families look forward to a TV celebrity taking on the main part of a fairy godmother or an ugly sister in a campy fairy tale performed onstage. But with tickets for a family of four coming to several hundred dollars, it’s hard to justify the expense each year.
We celebrate the season in meaningful ways
I want my kids to grow up feeling that their lives are already full, and that they don’t need certain things just because other people have them, or social media and TV said they should have them.
That doesn’t mean we’re not embracing Christmas in our own way, focusing on people rather than following trends and holiday traditions that we didn’t ask to inherit.
My oldest recently went with his class to a local nursing home to sing Christmas carols to the residents. I can only imagine how happy they must have felt to see 30 6- and 7-year-olds belting out “Jingle Bell Rock.” My son was proud of his efforts, as was I, knowing that he had secretly learned the lesson of purpose over presents.
We create our own magic
So, no, I don’t feel the need to manufacture what others may define as a magical Christmas.
This is what would be magical for me: Taking a break from relentless work deadlines, calls, and emails. Not having to leave the house at 8:30 a.m. to get to school. Having movie days in our pajamas. Taking walks in the windswept woods. Eating party food for lunch just because we can. Doing what we want, not what society tells us we should do.
It seems that our boys are already getting the message. For example, we asked them if they wanted to visit a shopping center in Santa, which can cost between $10 and $50, where we live. I was prepared to suck up for the sake of Christmas if they really needed the experience. They both shook their heads and said they’d already seen Santa drive down our actual street. What could top that?
This lesson seems to be translating into real life outside of Christmas as well. My oldest will turn 7 at the end of January, which is always a challenge to find the enthusiasm for after the holiday season. We offered to throw him a mini golf and pizza party just like the one he recently attended. His answer was that he’d prefer to just go out for a burger with a few of his best friends.
When kids realize that more isn’t necessarily better, it’s a life lesson that’s hard to believe they’ve learned — and I’m convinced that keeping it real at Christmas is the key to that.
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