- After living here for over a year, I’ve come to see Italy — and Italians — in a more nuanced way.
- I’ve had my share of awkward moments figuring out Italian norms and customs.
- I once ordered seafood on a pizza and my Italian in-laws were disgusted. We never spoke of it again.
Before moving to Italy, I imagined it as a country of spectacular landscapes, beautiful weather, and incredible food. After all, I had watched “Under the Tuscan Sun” and read “Eat Pray Love.”
After living here for over a year, I’ve come to see Italy — and Italians — in a much more nuanced way. Despite the country’s seemingly carefree spirit, I’ve found that certain cultural norms are nonnegotiable and deeply ingrained in everyday life.
I’ve had my share of awkward moments figuring out these norms. Here’s what I’ve learned and am passing on, so you don’t end up being that turisti Italians make fun of in viral TikTok videos.
Coffee is quick and you drink it at a bar, not a café
My first culture shock came when I asked for directions to a café and was pointed to a bar. In Italy, typically bars are for a quick coffee in the mornings and an Aperol spritz or glass of wine in the evening.
Every day, I grab my coffee, stand at the bar briefly while I drink it quickly at the counter, and chat with locals about the latest neighborhood gossip or political scandal. If I linger too long, I get a few looks suggesting I should make way for others.
I’ve also seen puzzled staff checking on tourists glued to their laptops and even overheard a few not-so-lighthearted jokes reminding them that a bar is not an office.
Your food may take up to an hour to arrive
Coffee is fast, but food? Not so much. I quickly learned that in Italy, dining isn’t just about satisfying your hunger but also a ritual.
The restaurants I go to don’t rush; instead, they take their time and prepare the food with care, meaning I receive my food when the restaurant staff decides it’s time for me to receive my food.
In fact, I’ve seen signs that read, “If you’re in a rush please come back when you’re not.”
Constantly checking an order with the server may annoy them and you may wait even longer for your food. Since I mostly go to authentic, small, family-run restaurants, which are usually under-staffed, I have waited for anywhere between 30 minutes to an hour.
The best thing to do is surrender to the experience, ideally with a glass of wine. When the food finally arrives, it will be worth the wait.
Avoid certain food combinations on pizza
When my Italian husband took me to what he called “the best Neapolitan pizza place in town, none of the tourist stuff,” he also gave me a serious lecture on what Italians consider real pizza.
According to him, anything other than Margherita, marinara, diavola, and quattro stagioni is for tourists. When I ignored him and ordered a seafood pizza with salmon and calamari, my in-laws were so disgusted that they wanted to leave the table.
We never spoke of the incident, ever again.
There is no such thing as authentic bottomless pasta
Contrary to what social media might suggest, I have never been served a giant plate of pasta in an Italian home or restaurant.
The Italians I know eat pasta almost daily, but in small portions, typically no bigger than the size of a fist.
Restaurants offering “bottomless pasta” or an oversize Aperol Spritz with enough straws for five people are likely tourist traps and don’t offer an authentic Italian experience.
Brightly colored gelato is probably not the real deal
A gelato with high-quality ingredients is not supposed to be overly bright. My Italian teacher once advised me to avoid shops where they serve gelato the color of nuclear waste.
A good berry gelato should be soft pink, and the pistachio a subtle sage green. If you spot mint gelato the color of Smurfs, it’s best to walk away.
Not every ‘bella’ is an invitation to flirt
I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve seen a young woman blush and giggle at the sound of “bella” in day-to-day interactions.
Bella literally translates to “pretty” in English, but let me set the record straight: The Italians I know call everything from a tree to a plate of pasta to a cappuccino “bella” or “bello.” “Bella mia” or “bello mio” are usually just friendly greetings.
Italians are warm and expressive, but not every “bella” is an invitation to flirt.
Feeding pigeons might be illegal
Feeding pigeons isn’t just frowned upon; it’s illegal in certain parts of Italy and carries a fine. While I consider pigeons to be very cute, many Italians I know don’t.
I once heard an Italian describe feeding pigeons as barbaric because they’re associated with diseases and have a not-so-subtle habit of taking a dump on precious Italian ruins.
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