This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Kameron Buckner, a 32-year-old startup founder based in New York City. It’s been edited for length and clarity.
As a startup founder in NYC, dating is a struggle. I’ve noticed that some men want a woman who’s a little bit more accessible throughout the week, and I’ve accepted I’m just not going to be that person.
I have a rule of thumb right now: I won’t date another early-stage founder. We can’t both be fighting for our lives.
My work is demanding, and I can’t be the spontaneous girl that a lot of men are looking for — I need a partner who understands that my startup is sometimes going to be my priority.
I have my moments where I can meet up for a last-minute coffee, but most of the time, I’m a schedule-oriented girl. I’m all about laying out expectations and making it clear that my capacity to prioritize my relationship will fluctuate.
I prefer meeting people ‘in the wild’
I was a practicing attorney in a law firm for a year before realizing it was not the life I wanted to live. In 2024, I created Social Docket, an AI-powered platform designed to provide modern legal infrastructure for the creator economy.
When I moved to New York a couple of years ago, I tested out the dating apps, but the men I saw didn’t take good pictures, and it’s really hard for me to get a feel for someone I haven’t met in person. I’ve realized I prefer meeting people through friends or at an event.
I’m also fast at weeding people out if I don’t see it working out, meaning I’m very decisive about who I date. I don’t have time to go on 10 dates to figure out if I like someone.
It’s helpful for me to plan dates similarly to how I plan meetings
If someone asks what my week looks like, I’ll give them the next two weeks, so we can plan the date, time, and activity. It’s similar to how I plan meetings: I want to get them on my calendar.
Some men seem to like it because it shows I’m willing to make time for them, but for others, I’m just not for them, and that’s OK.
It sounds like I’m hiring, but I’m looking for someone who takes initiative. I work extremely hard in my business, so I appreciate someone who tells me the time and place to meet or provides me with a list of places to choose from. Someone who makes it simple.
Dating a founder requires being upfront, honest, and not taking things personally
If I’m in a busy season with work, it’s nice to have a partner who can break up the fog of entrepreneurship and kindly remind me that he’d like to have some quality time together. There are times that I’m so locked in, and I do have to wake up a little bit.
At the same time, there will be moments when my partner can’t be my priority. They have to understand that, as a founder, I’m actively fundraising and need to be committed. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, but I need to take a step back from our quality time.
I might say, “Hey, I have 15 meetings this week. I’m not going to have that much time to see you, but I’m down to do a FaceTime before bed.”
Figuring out how to learn and adapt to each other is one of the fun parts of finding a partner.
I take note of how the men I date react to my success and ambition
There have been times when people have made comments about my career, and I view them as a reflection of how they feel, whether it’s a result of intimidation or self-consciousness.
I opened up to an ex about my goal to one day make a million dollars in my company, and his first response was to question me and tell me it was greedy. He knew my heart, and for that to be the first thing he said was a real eye-opener to his character.
I pay close attention to what the men I date say in the beginning and how they react to my success, because if it’s an issue at the start, it’s probably going to be an issue at the end. I’ve learned there’s nothing wrong with walking away from people, even if it’s just for a “small” reason.
I won’t compromise on the right partner
I think a good partner should want to see you succeed, because what’s mine is yours. In a healthy partnership, both parties benefit and improve each other.
I know the right partner will appreciate my ambition and drive, and let me come home to be the soft, feminine version of myself. They’ll love both parts of me. With a foundation of humor, friendship, and support, everything else will just fall into place.
Do you have a story to share about dating as a tech founder? If so, please reach out to the reporter tmartinelli@businessinsider.com.
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