- Kristina Royce, a divorce attorney, says marriage should be treated like a business transaction.
- Royce says the most important divorce decisions happen before the marriage takes place.
- She tells married people to beware of big transactions like relocating and quitting their jobs.
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Kristina Royce, 51, a divorce attorney from Los Angeles. It’s been edited for length and clarity.
I’ve been a matrimonial lawyer for 23 years, representing high-net-worth individuals, including celebrities and entrepreneurs, who are navigating marriage or divorce.
A big mistake my clients make when entering marriage is ignoring the business aspects of their relationship because they want to focus on being madly in love. However, marriage is a business transaction with the potential for huge financial consequences, so it needs to be treated as such.
The divorce process can be complicated for high-net-worth individuals because their compensation structure and assets typically require a deep analysis. I help my clients navigate this process as smoothly as possible during the divorce, but their most impactful divorce decisions were made before they even got married.
Before marriage: create financial intimacy
I believe a successful marriage requires three types of intimacy: sexual, emotional, and financial. Financial intimacy, which I view as having uncomfortable conversations about finances and money, is often neglected.
Even though it’s difficult, partners must be transparent about how much money they make, what they can afford and are willing to pay for, and how they’ll each contribute financially to the marriage.
It’s also important to discuss how you expect to handle hypothetical scenarios such as having children, quitting work, relocating, or even divorce.
I’ve seen it all too often that a spouse gives up their job to be a stay-at-home parent while their partner becomes the breadwinner. When they get divorced years later, the unemployed spouse has to rely on potentially minimal spousal support while being left to mend a gaping career gap that took place during a critical period of professional development.
Discussing how you’ll handle hypothetical scenarios can help you know what you’re getting into and plan accordingly.
Don’t be afraid to consult a divorce lawyer before marriage
I know it’s taboo to talk about, but I tell clients to consider having a pre-marriage consultation with a divorce lawyer to understand their rights and the implications of such a weighty financial decision.
I’ve seen situations where one spouse handles all of the finances, and their partner doesn’t know what and how much they own. They worry that questioning their partner would signal distrust.
Speaking to a divorce lawyer can help break down the communication barrier and ensure each person is educated about their rights and what they own.
During marriage: keep track of transactions
Certain transactions made during a marriage can ultimately make the divorce case much more difficult, so I advise clients to keep track of large transactions.
For example, a spouse inherits a large sum of money and comingles it into several joint assets like the house, businesses, and bank accounts. If this couple gets divorced, they face the burden of tracing all of the money.
If that couple had discussed the implications beforehand, they may have been more likely to put the money in an individual account or segregate it from other community property assets.
Other big transactions to beware of are relocation, putting a spouse’s name to assets, or quitting a job.
During divorce: I advise clients to settle
Divorce requires transparency, so I advise clients to come to me when they’re ready to share their information without hiding anything from me. Don’t spend your time and money fighting over whether certain information, like a business evaluation, should be produced.
When people are hesitant to share their information, I tell them there are disclosure requirements in nearly every divorce case, and the information will inevitably be released. It’s a matter of if you’d rather do it sooner or later, and choosing the latter often leads to conflict, wasted time, and litigation fees.
From before marriage to during divorce, transparency and honesty will work in your favor.
If you help the ultrawealthy manage their finances and would like to share your expertise, please email Tess Martinelli at tmartinelli@businessinsider.com.
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