As a geriatric millennial and a licensed psychologist, I often lament technological changes that I see as threatening to human interactions, such as AI.
Even though I try to find the gray in all areas of life, I’ve been rather black-and-white about AI because I worry it’s diminishing our ability to relate to one another.
However, a recent experience with my husband has made me more curious about AI.
My husband used AI for our wedding anniversary card
We recently celebrated our ninth wedding anniversary, and unbeknownst to me at the time, my husband used GenAI to write my card. He was traveling at the time, so he sent flowers and chocolate, with a card attached. The flowers were severely underwhelming, and I’m not just being a brat. My husband even called the company upon returning to express his frustration with how different they appeared in person.
But when I read the note accompanying the tiny arrangement, I teared up right away. It was heartwarming, meaningful, and really on the nose.
My husband’s lack of romantic effusiveness has historically been frustrating to me. He has made steady progress in this area, and even ending cards with “love” more frequently marks such improvement. So, this note felt in line with his desire to share more emotionality, and I was touched that he’d taken that step just because he knew it would make me happy.
I have feelings about AI
My husband knows about my big feelings about AI, and he shares many of them. It seems like everyone relies on ChatGPT for relationship advice, and the most common use of META AI right now is to ask for guidance about difficult conversations with loved ones or bosses. I see it in my therapy practice all the time, and I’m skeptical about how sound the AI advice my clients receive actually is.
So, when I, a historically staunch critic of all things AI, found out that my husband had used ChatGPT to create our anniversary card, I admit I had some strong feelings.
As lacking in the sentimental department as my husband can be, I am at the opposite end of the spectrum — a hopeless romantic, as they say. I save just about every card I get, tucked into a neat little box. When I reread my husband’s card before putting it away, I found myself lingering on some of the words. “…life we built together” especially sat with me. It’s a common phrase, but it’s not in my husband’s emotional lexicon. It almost sounded like somebody else’s voice. And given that we can’t go more than a few days without reading about how AI will ruin people’s ability to think for themselves, I had that thought. “Did AI write one of the sweetest parts of my anniversary card?”
I was delicate. I reiterated how much I’d enjoyed our belated anniversary celebration before I asked: “Did you use AI to write our anniversary card?” He copped to it, grinning from ear to ear.
Shockingly to me, I wasn’t mad. This discovery actually opened a door for us to talk about how useful it is to get a little help writing a card. The pre-printed messages often feel overly mushy, and the “blank inside” cards ask us to get vulnerable in expressing our emotions. For many, including my husband, that’s incredibly difficult. The result is often a message that neither the giver nor the receiver feels particularly happy about.
But this year’s note was perfectly balanced. The right amount of gush without the melodrama. I felt seen, and I felt it captured our relationship well.
Perhaps AI doesn’t have to replace human connection after all
If AI can help people express their love for one another, that can’t be a bad thing, right? Besides, is asking ChatGPT for help any less authentic than using a pre-printed Hallmark message? ChatGPT provided more accurate information about our relationship than a Hallmark writer ever could, and it offered guidance for a note that made me feel loved and appreciated.
While the idea of a world in which chatbots replace our friends and therapists is still deeply concerning to me, this recent experience has helped me find the gray in my previously black-and-white view: I don’t know that I’ll ever come around to AI replacing human connection, but I do see the utility now in using AI to help us enhance our existing human connections.
At the very least, I look forward to more anniversaries with really accurate love notes.
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