As a travel writer, I consider myself a vacation expert — which means I like to be in control when planning family trips.
However, as the self-appointed trip director, I find the self-inflicted pressure to curate the perfect trip can get overwhelming.
For a recent family vacation, though, my father-in-law did the planning, including choosing the destination: Alvor, Portugal. It made perfect sense, as he’d been there several times with my mother-in-law, so he was familiar with the destination. Plus, he’s retired, so he had more time to plan.
Although I struggled to let go of the reins, it turned out to be one of the most enjoyable and relaxing family vacations I’ve been on.
Alvor wasn’t a destination I would’ve chosen, but I was pleasantly surprised by how much I loved it
Alvor is a small, former fishing village on the southern coast of Portugal. Although it’s gorgeous, I was worried there wouldn’t be enough for my kids to do.
If I were planning the trip myself, I probably would’ve chosen somewhere like Lagos, which is bigger and more lively. However, I knew I had to relinquish control and trust that my father-in-law would lead us in the right direction.
During the trip, though, I ended up loving the laidback locale. It felt authentically Portuguese, with whitewashed buildings lining its narrow, cobbled streets, and an estuary below, dotted with colorful boats.
We also ate at some great seafood restaurants, and I thought the prices were reasonable compared to what I’m used to back home in New York.
Surprisingly, despite its small size, the town center had some great shops and places to get ice cream, so my kids were happy, too. The experience definitely reminded me of the importance of not judging a book by its cover.
I usually book smaller hotels, but I really enjoyed staying at a larger chain resort
When traveling, I typically book smaller, independent hotels because I prefer a low-key atmosphere. For this trip, however, my father-in-law booked Pestana Alvor Praia, a large chain resort situated on a cliff overlooking a golden sand beach.
And as it turns out, it was perfect for traveling with a large group. The resort had great facilities with tennis courts, a gym, and a mini-golf course, which made it ideal for our family, especially my teens.
The only downside was that it was a bit of a trek to get to the town center. The positive, though? Although I would have loved to have been closer to the action, it was good for my wallet — because it limited my kids’ opportunities to shop.
My father-in-law created the perfect relaxed agenda
When I’m in charge of planning a vacation, finding activities that appeal to everyone is what I find most stressful. I can sometimes spend hours researching the perfect activities and restaurants, even when we’re away, which takes away from the enjoyment of the actual trip.
Other than prebooking restaurant reservations, I was thankful that my father-in-law kept our days wide open — a smart move, given the big age range (7 to 75) to accommodate.
It meant we could relax by the pool whenever we wanted, but also mix in group outings like visiting the Fortaleza de Santa Catarina in nearby Portimão, or trips to the waterpark and tubing for our thrill-seeking kids. Meanwhile, my in-laws opted for more relaxing pursuits, like going for long walks.
That balance gave everyone the space they needed. Plus, we weren’t together 24/7, which, as any family knows, can be a bit much.
I also got to bond with my oldest daughter before she left for college
My daughter left for college a few weeks after we returned home, so the trip also provided the perfect opportunity for the two of us to do something special together.
Having someone else in charge meant I didn’t have to constantly worry about everyone else all the time. Instead, I had time to do what I wanted.
While my in-laws hung out with my younger daughter, we went on a boat cruise to see dolphins and sea caves, including the famous Benagil Cave. Being able to spend one-on-one time with her on a magical trip like this was unforgettable.
Unlike most family vacations, I didn’t have to worry about a thing on this trip, thanks to my father-in-law’s impeccable planning — it was bliss.
Through this experience, I’ve learned that my need to plan everything often holds me back from truly relaxing and being present with my kids. My plan for the future is to let someone else take over the planning — occasionally, anyway.
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