When I had my first child, I put my career on hold and quit my successful marketing job. I wanted to raise my little girl myself instead of hiring a nanny or sending her to a nursery.
Plus, at the time, my husband worked long hours, so he barely saw her during the week, and I felt it was important for one of us to be at home.
I knew that going from two incomes to one would be a huge financial adjustment. However, I’d overlooked how having my own income source affected my self-esteem.
Without it or a career, I lost my sense of independence and, with it, my self-worth. I no longer felt equal in our marriage.
I felt guilty spending money because I wasn’t earning a salary
Before giving up work, I’d been used to spending my money how I wanted. I was always buying new clothes or makeup.
When I stopped working, even though I was raising our daughter and running the household, I couldn’t adjust mentally to relying on my husband for money.
I didn’t tell my husband my feelings because he would have assured me that I didn’t need to think like that, but it wouldn’t have changed the way I felt.
Even though I knew I shouldn’t, I felt a huge sense of guilt if I spent any money on myself. There’s a bag I didn’t buy at the time because of the guilt I’d feel.
I had to change my situation
I knew I had to work so I could earn some money and regain some independence.
I wanted to work remotely so that I could stay home with my daughter, but these were pre-COVID days and remote work was less common.
Instead of returning to marketing, which I didn’t love anyways, I took the opportunity to launch a new career as a freelance writer.
However, when I gave birth to my second child, I didn’t have the time necessary to grow and expand my freelancing career.
I worked during the kids’ nap times or late at night, but I was constantly exhausted.
I wanted to hire childcare to free up more time to grow my freelancing business, but my husband wasn’t keen on the idea as it cost more than the money I was earning, so he didn’t think it made sense.
However, I couldn’t bring in more money if I was looking after the kids all the time. It was a chicken and egg situation, and the sense of imbalance in my marriage continued.
When COVID hit and changed working culture, it transformed my career and life
When the world shut down, and everyone moved to remote work, I had access to a growing number of opportunities that I hadn’t before as people started rehiring.
I eventually found an amazing full-time, fully remote job as a copywriter.
My husband had also started working remotely, which meant he was able to see our kids a lot more and share some of the household responsibilities.
Years later, juggling a full-time job and my kids comes with plenty of challenges but with my husband working remotely, it makes everything easier to manage.
I feel our relationship is on a more level playing field because I now have a career and a salaried income. I’ve regained my sense of independence and self-worth. And, I get to enjoy some guilt-free shopping, including buying the bag I’d been thinking about for years.
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