- I moved to the UK to be with my now ex-husband.
- But I could never move abroad again for love.
- Because of this, I recently ended a relationship.
I left my family, friends, and home state of Minnesota and moved abroad to the UK in 2016 in the name of love. My now ex-husband was British, and I’d finally been granted a spouse visa to live with him shortly after we eloped.
We met when I had studied abroad in the UK but then I moved back to the US. We were in a long-distance relationship for over two years, which was a huge challenge, and required a lot of effort on both our parts. Then, I made the move across the pond.
I don’t regret this decision, but I could never move abroad for love ever again.
While the idea of falling in love in a foreign country sounded romantic to me, the pressures of an international, cross-cultural relationship were tough.
The visa process can be a living hell
Immigration and visa bureaucracy put an enormous amount of pressure on my relationship.
I paid a considerable amount of money in application fees to the UK government to be allowed to live in the same country as the person I loved. Between my original spouse visa, which I obtained in 2016, and my spouse visa renewal in 2019, I spent about $6,300 today.
I was also often physically and mentally sick during those uncertain times of waiting for my spouse’s visa renewal and approval.
But there were sacrifices on both ends.
Due to the documents required and the timeline of my visa renewal application, my husband stayed in a stressful job when he otherwise would have found another place to work.
Even though I was married, the visa process was still a living hell. I don’t think I could ever sacrifice my mental health in that way again.
After moving, I missed my friends and struggled to find work
It took me about a year and a half before I got a stable, full-time, salaried job in my field of work.
I worked many jobs before then in the UK, but most were low-paying jobs without guaranteed hours, so that time was financially stressful for me.
I felt more settled once I had stable work, but I still missed my friends back home. I kept in touch over messages, videos, and calls, but it was never the same as being together in the same room.
During these stressful times, I had my husband’s support, but it still took a herculean effort not to put the pressure and blame my stress and loneliness on my husband.
Ultimately, my marriage wasn’t meant to be. It ended painfully in 2020, and we divorced.
Following our separation, I applied for permanent residency in the UK, and spent nearly a year living in limbo — not knowing if I would be able to stay in the country, and both physically and mentally unwell.
I received the good news that it was granted in August 2021; my immigration status is no longer tied to that relationship.
I don’t regret moving to the UK to be with him, but I would never do it again because of the stressful visa processes, emotional difficulties of settling in a new country, and creating a life abroad that is intrinsically linked to — and dependent on — a relationship with another person.
I fell in love again, but I’m treating it differently this time
This year, I unexpectedly fell in love again.
Unfortunately, it’s a similar story: we live in different countries and hold different citizenship. Neither of us feels we could be happy living in another country. So, we mutually decided to end it.
Since I’ve been divorced, I’ve rebuilt my life, embarked on a new career, and even moved abroad twice more — to Australia and, most recently, New Zealand.
I’ve not only survived, but I’ve thrived. If I hadn’t moved abroad to the UK for love, it wouldn’t have shown me how strong I really am.
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