I never thought I’d be a mom. Then, at 42 years old, my partner and I were delighted — and shocked — to discover I was pregnant. Now, at 55, I have a 13-year-old daughter. Despite my initial unpreparedness, I’ve realized that becoming a parent later in life has made me a much better one.
I got to enjoy young life child-free and still become a parent
I’m not saying all parents automatically regret what they missed when they have kids at a young age, but I know some who do — and I might have been one of them. Having my daughter in my 40s means I don’t resent my daughter for things I didn’t get to do.
At 24, I was the founding editor of an entertainment magazine. If I’d had a child back then, could I have pulled the countless all-nighters working that I did, or attended all the gigs and events we covered? Unlikely.
My 20s were fun but exhausting, and by the time I hit my 40s, I was ready for a new adventure. More importantly, I was more secure in who I was. That meant I didn’t sweat all the small stuff I probably would have if I were younger and trying to prove I could be the “perfect mom.”
Instead, as a mom in my 40s to a turbo toddler, I learned that a messy house could still be a happy one. A mud-covered 3-year-old wasn’t naughty — just carefree. And even if my Christmas cookies looked more like Edvard Munch’s Scream than a jolly snowman, baking them with my tween was a better bonding experience than not making Christmas cookies at all.
Something else that surprised me as a middle-age mom was that I became more patient, not less, when my daughter acted out.
I’ve heard other older mothers claim the same, and it seems we’re not alone. Several studies have found that older moms are less likely to yell at or punish their kids. Seemingly, life experience gives us a broader perspective. And let’s be honest — part of that is that we simply have a lot less energy!
Of course, I don’t ignore bad behavior, but I can recognize when my daughter is just having a bad day — like I do. So, rather than yell, I talk to her about it, something I certainly wouldn’t have had the patience to do in my younger years.
There are some trade-offs to being an older parent
When I initially told people I was pregnant, the conversation often crept around to how I would manage an infant and then a lively toddler when I was edging toward 50. One (former) friend suggested I was being selfish, as I’d likely end up being a financial or emotional burden on my daughter.
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t had several sleepless nights batting away imagined realities of myself as a wizened older parent, an embarrassment and health hindrance to a 20-something daughter. But that fear pushed me to prioritize my health with good lifestyle habits, regular exercise, and routine check-ups.
Of course, it hasn’t stopped me from occasionally being mistaken for my child’s grandmother (something my daughter finds hilarious) — but I’m still fitter than I ever was in my partying 20s and 30s.
Still, I worry about aging. My 80-year-old mom is thriving and there for me when I need her; my daughter might not have that same experience.
On a broader level, I also fret about the uncertain future that awaits her. With the climate crisis, the rise of AI and automated jobs, and skyrocketing property costs, I worry about whether she will be OK if I’m not around to help her handle these challenges, as so many parents of Gen Z adults currently are.
Yet, despite those anxieties, I know I’m better off as an older parent.
This is just my experience. I wasn’t ready for motherhood in my 20s or 30s, but I’m beyond grateful I got the chance in my 40s. I have a great relationship with my daughter, and I credit my age as a big part of that.
At 55, while many parents look forward to an empty nest and doing things they couldn’t when their kids were young, I can say: been there, done that, and I’m thrilled for the next chapter of this adventure with my daughter.
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