Someone once said that love finds you in the most unexpected places. And for what my life is today, this has never been more true.
I’ve always been proud of having a family and being a father. I have two grown daughters, 21 and 26, and they have taught me the greatest life lessons.
In my mind, I kept thinking I was done having kids, as I had raised them into successful adults. It was time for my wife and me to kick back and soon retire somewhere on an island. I didn’t know that my third child was on the way — hopefully, my last.
A visit that changed my life
Whenever my wife and I have free time on the weekends, we enjoy driving to a nearby orphanage and spending time with the kids. We help the caretakers cook, clean, and appease our inner children by playing all sorts of games with the young ones. During one of these visits, we met Avery, an amazing 2-year-old boy.
Having lost both parents, he was new at the orphanage, and as soon as we saw him, it was like the merging of our souls took place. I carried him, fed him, and rocked him to sleep, and the entire time, he didn’t want to leave my arms.
Avery spent every moment looking at me with so much expectation and anticipation. It was almost as if he was trying to communicate something that only he and I understood. I didn’t want to let him go either, and the only time I did was when we had to go back home, and he had a major meltdown.
I couldn’t get the little boy off my mind as we left. I went on and on for days about how we had a special connection, and from there on, I went back to the orphanage many times to spend time with him and play Lego bricks. I found myself zeroing in on this young boy, who pulled me in even further. It felt like a father-son bond that I couldn’t quite explain. The orphanage caretakers noticed our bond, and when Avery turned 3, they told me that he was up for adoption.
This meant people looking to have children could meet and fall in love with Avery just as much as I did and maybe take him home with them. I didn’t want to risk it.
We adopted him
I remember thinking, “I’m 50 years old, with a bad back and legs that sometimes ache for days. How will I handle a toddler?” Let alone the fact that I didn’t even remember the first thing about taking care of a 3-year-old or changing diapers. But for the most part, the need to give Avery a happy and stable home outweighed my fears.
I talked to my wife about it; she felt the same way about the little boy that had grown on us. Of course, we would have to make a lot of adjustments, and she would need help from a nanny, but other than that, she was excited to go on the adoption journey with me. At first, we thought our age would disqualify us from the process, but the orphanage vouched for us as they saw the emotional connection we had created with the child.
We started the legal process, and Avery was placed with us temporarily. During this time, we received countless visits from social and adoption workers who wanted to ensure we had a stable environment for our little boy. They recommended parenting courses, and we sat through probing interviews. Once they were confident in our ability to take on a toddler, through an attorney, we filed legal adoption paperwork, and after over a year of playing the long game, we legally adopted our son.
How adopting at 50 changed me
I never pictured myself as the old guy with the stroller, but I officially am. I can’t quite keep up with how much Avery runs around in the park, but rediscovering parenthood again has been one of the best things to happen to us.
The experience has been a mixed bag of emotions. I fluctuate from being very excited to panic-stricken because I’m not sure if I’m doing things the right way. The highs are much higher, and the lows are lower than you expect.
We’ve had to tighten our finances, think about time management, and even lead healthy lifestyles so we would be here for as long as all our children need us. Adopting at 50 has taught me that you never really have it down-packed as a parent. You’ll make mistakes along the way and learn a lot of lessons, as parenting is a journey. It has also made me look at myself and my capabilities through a new lens. My values seem stronger, and I have a daily desire to do better for my son.
I’ve also realized that an ending phase may just be a new start to something totally worthwhile and unexpected.
Read the full article here
