As newlyweds in our 20s, my husband and I backpacked from Beijing to Paris, spending 14 weeks riding trains, buses, and boats. We were good travel partners. But as we’ve grown older, our travel desires have diverged: I itch for more adventure, while he prefers vacations spent reading and sketching.
For my 50th birthday, instead of coaxing my husband to join me on a hiking trip to a national park, I invited our 20-year-old daughter, who loves active adventures as much as I do. We also brought along a family friend — who, like me, left her husband behind.
The three of us headed to Utah to explore Zion and Bryce Canyon national parks. Along the way, I sent my artistic husband plenty of photos of the red cliffs against the blue sky.
He would have hated it all
When we won the permit lottery to hike up Zion’s 1,488-foot rock formation, Angels Landing, I knew going with the girls had been the right choice — my husband has always been scared of heights. With narrow paths and sheer drop-offs, Angels Landing is considered one of the most terrifying hikes in America.
The four-hour trek to Angels Landing begins with Walter’s Wiggles, a series of strenuous switchbacks. Once we entered the formation’s upper section, we scrambled over rocks and tiptoed down paths only a few feet wide. The river snaking through the canyon below looked like the view from an airplane.
I have to admit I was a little shaky when I came to the short sections with no chains to clutch. My husband wouldn’t have been scared at all — because he’d have turned back miles earlier.
We also signed up for another of my husband’s most hated activities: horseback riding. We descended into the Bryce Canyon on mules and ponies, hoping they wouldn’t lose their footing as we enjoyed intimate views of the park’s famous hoodoos.
We went canyoneering as well, donning harnesses and helmets to rappel into otherwise inaccessible slot canyons. Stepping backward off a cliff edge to walk our way down, “Spider-Man” style was a lot of fun for us girls. For my husband? Canyoneering would have been another huge nope.
Breaking routines and learning new skills
During our adventures, the girls and I laughed and told stories nonstop. Although I love my husband, my spirit basked in the pause from everyday squabbles and responsibilities. Had he been there, I’d have put a full dinner on the table nightly. But with just us girls, we ate hummus straight from the container for dinner when we felt like it.
I married at 24 and have been a wife for more than half my life. One thing that happens when you couple young is specialization. When we travel together, my husband does most of the driving. On this trip and a few others, I’ve been able to improve my driving skills, although I still need to learn to change a tire on my own.
Now that our three kids are teens or young adults, my husband and I are discovering what great travel companions they are — each one shares different interests with us, including some we don’t share with each other.
Last month, my husband took the two younger kids to visit our oldest in her college town for a hockey game — something that would’ve bored me to tears, but they all loved it.
Traveling separately has not only let us each pursue what we truly enjoy without guilt, but it’s also practical: I’m self-employed with flexible time, while he has limited vacation, and with two kids still in high school, solo trips let one of us travel during the school year without leaving them alone.
It has strengthened our relationship
When friends and family find out one of us isn’t coming on a trip, they often ask “Why?” I’m sure some worry that our separate wanderings mean we’re headed for divorce.
In reality, our his-and-her trips have been a relationship boon. After 27 years of going through the same daily schedules together, we don’t usually have a lot to say that the other hasn’t heard before. Travel gives us new stories to share.
The night my daughter and I got home from our Utah adventure, my husband had a hot meal on the table and was excited to sit down and view photos.
“You have got to see this!” I found myself saying as we shared the view of Zion’s towering walls. I told him how good the icy Virgin River water felt on our bare feet near The Narrows, and he said he’d love to experience that.
And maybe next time, we’ll travel together. We could sign up for a bike tour — his favorite active pursuit — and skip the steep hikes.
Do you have a story to share about celebrating your 50th birthday? Contact the editor at akarplus@businessinsider.com.
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