In college, I was burning the candle at both ends, trying to balance part-time work and full-time classes.
I wasn’t eating or sleeping enough and felt like I was always busy and missing out on spending time with my family and friends. Still, I made time for my long-term relationship with a guy I’d been seeing since high school.
Over the years, I’d spent a lot of time with his family, and I especially admired his mother and how she seemed to juggle so many responsibilities yet never appeared burned out.
During one visit to her house, she told me she’d noticed how busy I had been. I dismissed my feelings and explained away my schedule, saying, “I know I’m going to need to work hard if I want to achieve my career goals.”
She smiled gently and told me, “You need to work to live, not live to work.” The simple piece of advice may not have been revolutionary or unique to her, but it struck me to my core.
From that moment on, my perspective on work was different
I began to view work as something you did to finance your life, and it has affected my choices ever since. I realized how valuable my time was and started to think about the life I wanted to live rather than just the job I wanted to have.
Instead of focusing on the work I’d been doing, I was now even more aware of everything else I hadn’t been doing enough of.
I missed the slow Sundays I adored, when I would do nothing but sit and drink too much coffee. I missed going on long runs, reading next to my dog, and spending time with friends.
Those things were what I really needed and wanted more of. A career didn’t mean much if I wasn’t enjoying my life in between shifts.
I knew I wanted to be home with my family and pets as much as I could, and I started thinking of my job as part of my life, meaning I really didn’t want to be miserable ever, including at work.
Empowered to make changes, I left a part-time job that I disliked so much that I felt sick with dread before my shifts. I asked for a raise at my other part-time gig and also started cleaning houses and pet-sitting.
I got a taste of being my own boss with multiple side gigs, and I liked it so much that I did it for the next 10 years.
‘Working to live’ has been my career goal for 2 decades now
After I adopted the “work to live” mindset, I only pursued jobs that I thought I’d enjoy.
At one point, I took a break from school to work in restaurants because I wanted to learn to cook from real-world experiences. I really loved the energy of it.
However, when I had my son, I wanted a different schedule — one where I could be home as much as possible with him.
With the concept of “working to live” on my mind, I returned to school and became a teacher.
I liked the idea of having the same schedule as my son, but after six years, I found that the job was actually taking all of my energy. By the time I got home, I was too drained to do anything else.
So I left the profession and started working from home, again finding a balance between work and life.
Though I’ve had many jobs over the years, they haven’t been my focus — I’ve given myself the freedom to change them once they no longer suited my life.
That one piece of advice I got from my boyfriend’s mom all those years ago ultimately gave me the gift of a life that I feel has been full of actual living.
When I look back on my life after college, I see many cozy nights at home, time spent with loved ones, and priceless experiences. Those are the things I’ve come to value as true wealth.
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