When I was pregnant with my first baby, I’d see moms wearing jewelry with their kids’ initials or birthstones and dream of the day I’d get my own. When my kids were in preschool, I’d make a holiday wish list of things I thought would help me up my mom game, like a stand mixer or a fancy sewing machine. My elementary-aged kids may have wanted the latest video game or baby doll, but I asked for spa gift certificates and expensive new boots.
My husband and I were younger then; our income was smaller than it is today. As a new mom, the holidays were a time to ask the people I had taken care of all year long for items I had wanted, but put off buying due to budgeting for necessities like diapers or groceries.
Now that my kids are teenagers, I ask for time spent together instead of material gifts
However, as my kids, now 15 and 17, have gotten older, material gifts aren’t what I want for Christmas. In recent years, I’ve asked my now-teenagers for the gift of time spent together rather than trendy earrings or pricey perfume. Yes, in my mid-40s with a higher income, I buy some of these things for myself throughout the year anyway, but also, the older I get, the less things matter. My husband and I try to give them experiences instead of presents, and that’s also my request for my own holiday gifts.
The idea hit me a few years ago while catching up with a friend who has two adult children. “I told them this year I didn’t want them to buy me anything,” she said. “Instead, I asked them each to plan an activity that we could do together.”
One of her sons had bought tickets for himself and his mom to take a cooking class together. The other had given her gift cards to her favorite restaurant and their local movie theater, promising to take her on a dinner-and-a-movie date, just the two of them. It sounded like a genius idea to me, especially since I was beginning to feel like I saw less of my kids due to their part-time jobs, school schedules, and social commitments.
As a mom, time together, no matter how long, is my favorite holiday gift
In our family, we start celebrating Christmas sometime in November, so I now tell my kids that taking a holiday trip together or attending a holiday event in our town are “part of my Christmas gift.” Spending time with them and making memories together fills my heart with holiday joy all season long, and I think they enjoy it, too, even when they act like teenagers who are “too cool” for their parents.
Each year, I ask my kids what some of their favorite things to do with me are during the holiday season. For my 15-year-old daughter, it’s holiday shopping while drinking Christmas-themed drinks from our favorite coffee shop. My 17-year-old son enjoys attending the theme parks near our Central Florida home with me and seeing all the movies that open during the holiday season. I try to incorporate all the things they like to do with me and all the things I think of as must-dos for Christmas to help keep the season focused on togetherness.
This year, I passed on all the gifts and asked for a special trip together instead
This year, my husband asked me for ideas of what to buy me for Christmas. “I don’t think I want anything,” I said. “Instead, I’d like to go do something really special together — something where I pick all the things we do, and we spend time as a family.”
Both he and my kids loved that idea, so this year, we’ll be taking a road trip to a town with a well-known holiday light display, shopping in its winter market, dressing in our holiday best, and eating a nice dinner at a restaurant of my choosing. We booked a hotel in the area and will take a quick, overnight trip to spend time together.
It sounds like the perfect holiday gift to me, especially since I don’t need another pair of pajamas or a scented candle. What I need in these last years before my kids head out into the world to start lives of their own is to cherish every final moment with them, and I think I’ve found a perfect way to do just that.
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